Field Journal [POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR FIRST-TIME READERS, READ AT OWN RISK!!!]:
-*jazz hands* overly controlling unhealthy coping mechanismmmmm. Also beating herself up immediately about it ‘being her fault’ and auuugh. It’s all so fucked.
“[Look], I put a lot of [work] into creating an environment to stimulate you and [to keep you busy] we both [know you need to(?)] stay out of trouble [but I can’t] watch you 24/7 especially now [that I have to] run the whole entire place, which is [for] you, all [on my] own. The least you could [do] is show some respect [for] all my work…”
I think I got it all :achilles-serious:
**Spoilers**
Another reference to Clair “making” this place despite later contradicting that.
Any time someone says something like that, the for you is really for me. If it was really for Chloe, what Chloe has been saying would be more important. There would be a discussion. “Well, Chloe, what do you want?”
Claire might *intend* for it to be for Chloe, but without communicating with Chloe about what is actually wanted/needed, at best it’s for Claire’s mental model of who Chloe is. If this is taking place where it feels like and these people relate to each other the way it seems to me they are, it’s even more frustrating and more sad that Claire doesn’t have the capacity to do that righ t now. But by the description of the comic I got from the link that sent me here, as well as the blurb at the start of the comic (which were more or less the same), this was never going to be an entirely healthy dynamic.
To be clear, I realize this is a mental health journey depiction, and those never really start out in a good place. It feels like this is starting out in an attempt to be in a good place, but ultimately one that’s seriously lacking. I mean, it’s probably the best that could be done at this point, but that’s because stuff sucks.
Ok, sure, I think most of us start out in a pretty good spot. But then we’re born and it’s all down hill from there. But that’s not where a mental health journey starts. Those start near a rock bottom. Also, I don’t mean the restaurant chain.
Since we’ve been seeing Chloe become more vulnerable lately, I’m rereading to find any hints leading up to it since it’s been a while since I’ve caught up.
I feel like we’ve seen Clair yell a lot. Usually from things not going how she wants and because she feels out of control.
But I also noticed here that Chloe tunes her out, which at first just comes off as “her being her.” But then I thought about how children who often have parents yell at them or the other parent tune them out. And since we see the same behavior from Clair throughout the comic, I wonder if this is a sort of coping mechanism Chloe has. Especially since she seems to cover up her real feelings or run away when something happens.
note the continued red outlines* on clair and her speech. i decided to go thru and see where else it pops up (16, 50, 51, 64, 98, 161, 164, 165, and 440), and im sad to say my analysis is rather straightforward. it indicates clair is feeling extreme negative emotions related to chloe (albeit sometimes exacerbated by other people, and the fact that it’s all been chloe-related so far may be a coincidence). these emotions are either simple frustration (eg. the butterfly, chloe not telling people her name, and chloe going naked), or more deep-seated/complicated emotions (eg. her fury over chloe being ungrateful in this comic, the stress of failing to create chloe’s order & potentially being replaced by pepper, and the exhaustion of failing to care for chloe & it “never being chloe’s fault”)
also note clair flipping out at chloe, then immediately pivoting to blaming herself entirely (also a recurring thing with her). this shows how unequipped clair is for the task she assigned herself (or was potentially created for). from a certain point of view it is definitely her fault that she is bad at caring for chloe because she refuses to meet her at her level. but on the other hand, chloe also sometimes refuses to meet clair at her level in cases where it would be reasonable (eg. telling people her name, i swear this happens more than once), and it’s unreasonable to expect clair to uphold her responsiblities as chloe’s caretaker in the first place. so really, neither blaming it all on chloe nor blaming it all on herself are reasonable or healthy for her. upon my first reading of the comic i felt that chloe was mostly in the wrong for not taking to clair’s reasonable-ish suggestions, but upon re-reading this (and reading the comments) ive come around on her. i still dont think it’s entirely fair to blame clair here, but there are good reasons why chloe doesnt take to her suggestions/orders. being bossed around is almost never fun, and chloe evidently prefers to see the world & process her emotions at her own pace. i also feel this once again feeds into clair acting as chloe’s mother, especially with her complaining about chloe being ungrateful for everything she gave her
lastly, clair again acknowledges that she made halo head, despite contradicting it later
*i tried to post a comment on page 10 which briefly mentioned this, but for whatever reason it doesnt seem to have shown up
Field Journal [POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR FIRST-TIME READERS, READ AT OWN RISK!!!]:
-*jazz hands* overly controlling unhealthy coping mechanismmmmm. Also beating herself up immediately about it ‘being her fault’ and auuugh. It’s all so fucked.
From what I can tell/guess the text says…
“[Look], I put a lot of [work] into creating an environment to stimulate you and [to keep you busy] we both [know you need to(?)] stay out of trouble [but I can’t] watch you 24/7 especially now [that I have to] run the whole entire place, which is [for] you, all [on my] own. The least you could [do] is show some respect [for] all my work…”
I think I got it all :achilles-serious:
**Spoilers**
Another reference to Clair “making” this place despite later contradicting that.
Any time someone says something like that, the for you is really for me. If it was really for Chloe, what Chloe has been saying would be more important. There would be a discussion. “Well, Chloe, what do you want?”
Claire might *intend* for it to be for Chloe, but without communicating with Chloe about what is actually wanted/needed, at best it’s for Claire’s mental model of who Chloe is. If this is taking place where it feels like and these people relate to each other the way it seems to me they are, it’s even more frustrating and more sad that Claire doesn’t have the capacity to do that righ t now. But by the description of the comic I got from the link that sent me here, as well as the blurb at the start of the comic (which were more or less the same), this was never going to be an entirely healthy dynamic.
To be clear, I realize this is a mental health journey depiction, and those never really start out in a good place. It feels like this is starting out in an attempt to be in a good place, but ultimately one that’s seriously lacking. I mean, it’s probably the best that could be done at this point, but that’s because stuff sucks.
Ok, sure, I think most of us start out in a pretty good spot. But then we’re born and it’s all down hill from there. But that’s not where a mental health journey starts. Those start near a rock bottom. Also, I don’t mean the restaurant chain.
*very slight mention of spoilers*
Since we’ve been seeing Chloe become more vulnerable lately, I’m rereading to find any hints leading up to it since it’s been a while since I’ve caught up.
I feel like we’ve seen Clair yell a lot. Usually from things not going how she wants and because she feels out of control.
But I also noticed here that Chloe tunes her out, which at first just comes off as “her being her.” But then I thought about how children who often have parents yell at them or the other parent tune them out. And since we see the same behavior from Clair throughout the comic, I wonder if this is a sort of coping mechanism Chloe has. Especially since she seems to cover up her real feelings or run away when something happens.
e ggs
SPOILERS!
note the continued red outlines* on clair and her speech. i decided to go thru and see where else it pops up (16, 50, 51, 64, 98, 161, 164, 165, and 440), and im sad to say my analysis is rather straightforward. it indicates clair is feeling extreme negative emotions related to chloe (albeit sometimes exacerbated by other people, and the fact that it’s all been chloe-related so far may be a coincidence). these emotions are either simple frustration (eg. the butterfly, chloe not telling people her name, and chloe going naked), or more deep-seated/complicated emotions (eg. her fury over chloe being ungrateful in this comic, the stress of failing to create chloe’s order & potentially being replaced by pepper, and the exhaustion of failing to care for chloe & it “never being chloe’s fault”)
also note clair flipping out at chloe, then immediately pivoting to blaming herself entirely (also a recurring thing with her). this shows how unequipped clair is for the task she assigned herself (or was potentially created for). from a certain point of view it is definitely her fault that she is bad at caring for chloe because she refuses to meet her at her level. but on the other hand, chloe also sometimes refuses to meet clair at her level in cases where it would be reasonable (eg. telling people her name, i swear this happens more than once), and it’s unreasonable to expect clair to uphold her responsiblities as chloe’s caretaker in the first place. so really, neither blaming it all on chloe nor blaming it all on herself are reasonable or healthy for her. upon my first reading of the comic i felt that chloe was mostly in the wrong for not taking to clair’s reasonable-ish suggestions, but upon re-reading this (and reading the comments) ive come around on her. i still dont think it’s entirely fair to blame clair here, but there are good reasons why chloe doesnt take to her suggestions/orders. being bossed around is almost never fun, and chloe evidently prefers to see the world & process her emotions at her own pace. i also feel this once again feeds into clair acting as chloe’s mother, especially with her complaining about chloe being ungrateful for everything she gave her
lastly, clair again acknowledges that she made halo head, despite contradicting it later
*i tried to post a comment on page 10 which briefly mentioned this, but for whatever reason it doesnt seem to have shown up
page 10’s comment is there! twice! https://halo-head.com/comic/10-butterfly-effect/#comment-7845